.the.nerve.

so we move on Monday.





im a little .hot.and.cold.





well, I guess thats just me latey in general. im finding myself to be..."off?" - and its not the first time.
im shut in.
im not bieng a good friend.
im not working as hard as I should be.
im not doing the right things.
and I just dont feel like im...I dont know, a good enough person right now.



.so what does she do?.... RUN. - to Edmonton we go. (insert.GAG.)

so - this is one of those blogs with a disclaimer attached... im whiney. but read on if you will

the people who read my blog know that im honest with how im feeling on here. because I generally dont speak my issues out to the world...Tay Laughes when I politely remind him that he cannot discuss what I blog...in real life. not that it isnt real life...its just.... let me explain...



they are my thoughts. and I gaurd them well.

If im not a person who cries alot. is this a problem?

I look inside my head sometimes and find this .wall.

.its.huge.

and hard to break.


and all these thoughts just gather behind it. thoughts that cross my mind for a second...and INSTANT. and I push them away.

.sure.

lots of people do that right?

but mine go behind my

.wall.

and when my thoughts come over my

.wall.

we have a bit of a problem.


I get anxoius. sure, everyone gets that too right? when you breathe just a little heavier...and worry a little more. most people can handle it.

I struggle with that.

its just me, its my trial.

some days are better than others.

some days are hard on Tay.

some days I just need my dog.

some days I just want to haze out

faze out.

and others,

I cant wait to crawl out of bed and into the arms of the person who loves me.

I have a lot of amazing things.

but the truth is

I have anxiety.

the other truth is - im still here.

and I got him.

I cant wait for tomorrow.

.x.x.

R