It's been a while.
Since 2 or so, I have been laying in my bed, listening to my dog snore softly and my husband shift every so often. Listening to my heart pound. At 3am I decided morning is here to stay...
Insomnia.
I have struggled with insomnia since high school... Too much on my mind I guess.
Don't get me wrong, it comes and goes... There are times when I can't get enough sleep... Those times are just as tough, but much less boring.
I have an "active brain"
Anxiety takes a toll.
I remember being in high school and 3am was my best "writing time". I would sit at my electric keyboard with my headset on... And play.
My grades suffered, but they always had, I survived on coca-cola and late night chats with friends.
When I went to college, insomnia was my friend. Who didn't like a college student who didn't sleep?
What college student needed sleep? I was always up to the early hours, clearing bottles, and mentally prepping for an 8am anthropology class.
When Tay and I were dating I loved having him to text through the night, love is a good reason to be awake.
But when the desire to sleep for days came back and took over, T and I decided it was time for meds.
Side affect: insomnia.
Long story short... I have been taking sleeping pills for years.
Now it's hard to function without them.
I need to figure this out.
I have tried literally exhausting myself at the gym and with studying...
Well... That was earlier this evening.
Now my body is exhausted.. But my brain is shaking.
Shhh brain... It's almost 4... You will be up and at work soon enough.
Today will be a good day.
Day 24 sans coffee.
Bring it.
.R.
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