Sunday, February 5, 2012

The next chapter.

So i want to tell you all why this year is going to be so big for me.

It took a long time for me to decide if I should post this or not. some fault me for being such an open book on here. well, This is what I need now, and will need to get through this next chapter. I have great support systems, a great family, loving husband, sweet puppy and doctors... but this is my space...and I need it.

I have been on quite a few meds for a few years now.

I will list them here and the various reasons that I take them... (I take various doses and some I only take "as needed")

Sertraline: a selective-serotonin reuptake inhibitor commonly prescribed as an antidepressant (trade name Zoloft).

    • Zopiclone: (brand name Imovane in Canada, and Zimovane in the UK) is a non-benzodiazepine hypnotic agent used in the treatment of insomnia.

    Lorazepam: tranquilizer (trade name Ativan) used to treat anxiety and tension and insomnia

    Clonazepam: helps relieve nervousness, tension, symptoms of anxiety, and some types of seizures by slowing the central nervous system. In the United States, clonazepam is sold under brand name Klonopin.

    I have been prescribed a few other pills on a "trial" basis to help with my anxiety and depression... some didn't last long. side affects are hard things to deal with.

let me also get this straight... I am not proud of my anxiety. My inability to translate real life into something that doesn't terrify me, make me lose sleep, give me panic attacks.

I am an open, friendly person.. not a lot of people know how badly I struggle.
I am however, one of the "lucky" ones... I am able to hold down a job that I enjoy, and a few friends that know intimately what I deal with daily.

and if your thinking "I know her... she doesn't seem like that at all"

Think a little harder.

I have been on a lot of adventures...
This one is different.
I am not going backpacking across south america, Im not getting married, im not running a marathon.

This year I plan to get off of all of these meds... and start really thinking about the future of my family.

    I started this year with the little things to turn my life in a different direction.

    I stopped drinking coffee
    I started dieting and exercising

    I have been doing daily guided meditation...

    I Know that it is going to get harder to do (or not do) these things as I start this "weaning" process... nothing is better than a hot coffee when you haven't slept in two days.

    The next step was to meet with my doctor to discuss my options to moving away from my meds.
    he wasnt super helpfull. he suggested that if I wanted to "expand my family" that I could simply move to a different type of anti depressants, ones that had a "lesser chance" of birth complexities.

    not good enough.

    My next step was my OBGYN. she gave me some great information... told me more truth about the uncertainty of a lot of these meds with pregnancy. she also told me that many women do need them. happy mom, happy baby, healthy mom, happy baby.
    Makes sense.
    But again... its not good enough.

    Let me re-iterate something here... This is NOT an announcement.
    no babies in the near future. just prep-work.
    I have a hubby to get through school.. and a long road ahead of me.

    My OBGYN made my next step a referral to a well known psychiatrist. Dr Chokka.

    "Dr Chokka specializes in the treatment of mood, anxiety disorders, ADHD, and women’s reproductive health. As the lead in over 60 clinical trials, he has lectured and presented his research in these areas at major conferences, nationally and internationally."

That appointment is this Tuesday..

So join me as I make my big and little life changes.

join me as I move away from my anxiety... and get on with my life.




  1. Thank you for sharing this. Inspiring and I wish you the best of luck on this journey! I too have gone med-free with some of the same's a challenge - but it's been worth it for me!

  2. Love you Rach, I have been reading your blog for a while and love reading up on you... Your beautiful!

  3. You go girl!! Your so strong you can do it!

  4. rach -

    I am so so proud of you. I would have never known without this post, and it makes me feel so much closer to you, and reminds me of how much I miss you. You are doing an amazing job. I love seeing the changes you are making in your life, and the continuing growth of progress. I know you can do this, I really know it. If anybody can take a challenge, its you girl. I love you so much and miss you dearly - I'm so glad we have a few small outlets to connect through blogs and instagrams :) Keep on it! <3

  5. You go girl! I think those are some great goals. I'm sure you can do it :) seems like you have a wonderful support system too. Hang in there!!
    Laurie (IG)